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Wishing For Madness

Diagnosed in my teens,
Blocked by goodwill and hope,
Only to reappear -
Delusion with a name.

Reason for aquired xeonophobia,
Has a physical base;
So I needs my rum -
At three bottles a week.

Reality now a nightmare,
Violent thoughtforms increased;
Unable to tell them apart,
Give me noise so I may rest.

Safety no longer guarenteed,
Only causless paranoia;
Hope shrouded in secrecy,
For those who deserve better.

Questions finally answered,
But ignorance was better;
No one should ever know,
Knowledge is personal doom.

Knowing hurts so much,
I'm not mad but I wish I was;
Searching for a better label,
And now there isn't one.

Dated: 25th February 2005